Tuesday, July 12, 2005

How's this for personal?

Once again it's been brought to my attention that I have been less than frequent, and also less than personal of late. There's a reason for my negligence, but it's not a pretty reason.

But, since you asked...

Nate proposed to me on June 20th. I was, and am, elated, but along with the happiness comes some sadness. Being naturally chemically imbalanced, my sorrow seems magnified. Unfortunately, along with loving somebody (not to mention asking them to marry you) comes the obligation to indulge every bloody whim. Feel very sorry for Nate - I've tested his indulgence to points previously uncharted.

My Bud has been amazing. Continually reminding me that he's my fiancé now (and my boyfriend no longer), taking care of me during the various sniffles I've suffered due to spending 90% of my time in a zero-humidity environment (hello server room), and a multitude of other gentle, indulgent things.

I, on the other hand, have been pathetic, spending my evenings watching the quality programming of Fox Television (NOT the Fox "News" network - there's a chasm of difference) and drinking tons of tea. It's a rut of "Trading Spouses", English Breakfast, and going-to and coming-home from work, with naught in between. I'm miserable, and can't seem to articulate the notion. Instead, I choose to passive-aggressively bicker over the inconsequential minutiae that occurs during the 90 minutes between Nate arriving home and my going to bed. Just as I will passive-aggressively "suggest" to him that he read this latest post in order to take a peek into my tumultuous mind.

On a note that most would consider happy, but I can hardly force my stiffened lips into a smile to celebrate, I've found out that the two biopsies that were taken a few weeks ago are not malignant. Benign all across the board, despite the doctor's office's best efforts to worry me about the results (or lack thereof). Also, we completed our company's production server move with very few hassles. That's really good news, but I'm altogether too run down and indifferent to care.

"Hello Depression - I've seen the whites of your eyes, isn't it time for you to leave again?" Too bad I can't bargain with my own emotions...